Motherhood (and parenting in general) is the definition of insanity some of the time.  Insanity is defined as “extreme foolishness or irrationality.”  Well, that sounds a lot like how I have to respond to my children on a more of the time than not, how about you?!

Reasons why you can’t be 100% sane and be a mom:

Reason 1:  You are constantly talking out loud to yourself.

Let’s get real.  All day long I am talking to myself.  I try to pretend like some of it is directed at the kids, but that would be lying. I mumble under my breath A LOT; sometimes with profanities that I can’t keep inside my mind.  I talk to stuffed animals as a way of convincing the three year old to do things.  “Mr. Bear needs to sit on the potty.  What Mr. Bear?  You think Connor should poop too?!”  No sane person does this, but parents do, a lot.

Reason 2:  You repeat everything, all day long.

Asking a kid to put their shoes on fifteen times in five minutes is not normal behavior.  No sane person asks another person if they need to use the potty every ten minutes either.  I don’t know any kid-less people who need to say “Don’t lick the floor,” several times to another human.  (If you do say this on a regular basis to co-workers or friends you might want to reevaluate who are you hanging out with.)

It’s just not normal unless you are dealing with tiny people.

Reason 3:  You are never alone.

Ever.  Someone is always with you, most of the time literally hanging onto you.  Basically you have a stalker in the shadows even when they are not clinging to your leg.  This would drive most people mad, but it’s expected for us moms and dads to just deal with it.

I find myself constantly swaying or bouncing even if I am not holding a child because that’s what my body has become conditioned to do.  It’s quite odd when I catch myself doing it while out with a group of adults.  Sometimes I even clutch my purse like it’s a small child without even realizing I’m doing so.  It gets even worse when I talk to it from time to time and ask it if it needs to use the potty.

Reason 4:  You spell words mid sentence like it’s second nature.

If a co-worker would say “I heard there is C-A-N-D-Y downstairs,” people would question if all cylinders were functioning for said person that day.  If a mom does this, it’s completely normal, and usually the other mom she is talking to will spell back some kind of witty reply.  It’s become second nature to break up words and sounds in order to survive.

Reason 5:  Crustless food.

Taking a butter knife to a sandwich in order to remove the crust like a surgeon, is not usually considered a sane practice.  It’s just a fact and we need to embrace this crust issue is slowly driving us crazy.

Reason 6:  You rarely get to have a rational conversation.

Most of the time I am discussing nonsense with my kids.  The amount of questions I receive in a day about things that aren’t even practical, is astounding.

Reason 7:  The mom look.

You know this look, anyone with kids has one. The long stare that says “you better shape up right away before I lose my mind.”  It’s not a pretty look, but it usually does the trick.  Any sane person making this face, without kids around, might be questioned on how they are feeling and if everything is okay.

Reason 8:  You always hear “MOM” everywhere.

Once you’re a mom, it’s like you’re in a sort of club you didn’t sign up for.  Most kids shout “mom” at the pool or in the middle of Target, and guess what, every mom looks up from time to time, even when she knows it’s not her kid saying it.  It drives me crazy that I’m somehow wired this way now.  I cannot escape children no matter where I go.  Someone always needs a mom and that’s my name too.  Imagine every fifth person you meet having your same name, it’s maddening.

Reason 9:  Kid Shows

The voices we have to endure to get a few hot minutes without needing to entertain our kids are not always worth it.  I banned Caillou from our house for the sheer reason that someone created this little baby, whiny man character as a way to slowly kill moms from the inside everywhere.  If Mickey Mouse invites me into his clubhouse one more time, I might scream; and if I hear the Frozen theme song again I may never get it out of my head.

The insane part comes that I keep doing this to myself.  I keep putting on the kid shows as a way to entertain the kids and then I start watching them too.  Why?!  Basically, you get to the point where you will do anything in order to get a minute of silence from the children.

Reason 10:  We have multiple kids.

The newborn phase is rough.  Babies are cute for a reason, right?  When they are up all hours of the night crying and we are beyond sleep deprived, it helps to look down and see the cutest little face and tiny fingers… it helps!  Why we somehow forget this crazy phase and decide to have multiple children is a little crazy, it just is.  A completely sane person wouldn’t go on a terrible trip and then decide two years later to go again just for fun.  Well, that’s basically what we are doing when we decide it’ll be a great idea to have another little person once the first little one is almost out of diapers.

Basically, being a parent cannot be completely rational, it’s just not feasible.

We need to have a little bit of insanity in us in order to stay sane with raising our children.  The love is so strong that we feel for our little ones that it makes all of it beyond worth it.  I’ll take my crazy, insane side any day if it means I get to spend a  lifetime shaping and growing with my kids.  I need to keep the insanity in order to function on a daily basis.  I hope everyone reading this embraces the crazy sides we all have now that we are parents. It sure is making life a little more interesting than it was before.