MOST BEAUTIFUL LADY IN THE WORLD          

Typically, a young child thinks his or her mom is the most beautiful lady in the world.  On numerous occasions, I’ve heard this sweet sentiment repeated by a blushing mom as she recounted how deeply her precious child touched her heart and said exactly what she needed to hear at exactly the right moment.  I’ve seen moms referred to as “beautiful” on countless adorable projects hanging in the preschool and elementary school hallways.  This flattering commentary on mothers seems to be so common among children that it appears almost universal.  It’s even a scene often played out in movies.  I’ve read this on greeting cards.  For goodness sake, even Taylor Swift sings about it (“The Best Day” makes me tear up every single time.  If you haven’t ever listened to it, download it now.  I’ll wait…).

AND THEN THERE IS MY CHILD

One day a few months back, my two girls and I were all dolled up to go somewhere (I truly cannot remember where we were headed – this is because parenthood is dissolving my brain).  As I strapped my five-year-old in, I paused and took in my girls’ adorable versions of “fancy.”  In a moment of motherly, girly excitement, I exclaimed, “Look at us!  Three beauties ready for fun!”

My five-year-old looked at me with her confident, piercing eyes and said, “You mean two.”

And my seven-year-old burst into laughter.

Thankfully, closing my youngest’s door and climbing into the car myself gave me sufficient time to roll my eyes to myself.

THE NUMBERS JUST DON’T ADD UP

As I got settled into the driver seat, I said, “No, THREE beautiful ladies are ready for fun!”

My youngest pointed to herself:  “One.”  She pointed to her sister:  “Two.”  And announced her steadfast conclusion:  “TWO beauties!”  She was all seriousness.  Her face read, “I know my stuff and this is RIGHT.”

By this time, my seven-year-old was laughing so hard that she had given herself the hiccups and tears were starting to form.  She finally blurted out to her sister, “It’s three!  You, me, and momma!”

Well!  This way of looking at the situation REALLY shocked my youngest.  So much so that she responded with a totally astonished, “Momma???!!”

OH, IT GETS BETTER…

“Momma’s not BEAUTIFUL.”

Now my oldest is laughing so hard she can hardly breathe.  She managed to say my youngest’s name in a scolding fashion, between her blasts of laughter.

But my youngest was unfaltering in her opinion.  She said, in a very haughty way, “Momma is NOT beautiful.  She doesn’t wear beautiful clothes.  Her hair’s not beautiful.”

I couldn’t help myself.  I laughed, too.  Because, well, that’s what I do when things are awkward.  Plus, I was just so shocked by her strong opinion on the matter that I couldn’t help but laugh.

I’LL SURVIVE

I finally replied with a flippant, “Well, I like to think I’m beautiful.  Anywho.”

Because, as we all know, “anywho” always swiftly concludes every argument (I’d really love to see politicians try it out… then I would be the one laughing until I was crying!).

So, to all you young mothers out there whose children think you are just as beautiful as a princess:  You suck.  Enjoy it, because we don’t all receive the same charming adoration.