I’ve always been a worrier.

Call it anxiety, call it being “tightly wound,” heck, call me a helicopter mom; it’s true.  Why does that term have such a negative connotation anyway?!  I was that girl who made a friend basically crawl out of a movie theater when a man stood up mid movie and started ranting about how life isn’t fair.  Better safe than sorry, right?! (Sorry Michelle!)

I liked to think by being vigilant I could control my surroundings.  I liked the feeling that I could control things and that terrible events wouldn’t happen to me since I was always on watch.  Well… clearly I was wrong.  It literally took my almost 2 year old slipping on our hardwood floor and breaking his femur to remind me how I cannot control every little thing.

Things happen, and we aren’t always in control.

Seeing and hearing about everything lately; hurricanes, shootings, bombings, terrible accidents and even protests gone wrong, is all becoming too much.  Maybe we hear about these events more because of the quick access to social media?  Or maybe it’s the million news channels and apps on our smart phones?  I like to tell myself things are just reported more than they used to be, but I know that’s just sadly not the case.

Why can’t football just be football?

Remember when Sunday afternoon was all about relaxing, watching your team and drinking a beer?  I do!! I loved the mindless escape from life and all it’s problems.  I get it, there are reasons to protest and voices that need to be heard, but I long for the good old days.  The days when seeing my beloved Bengals (don’t judge) loose was the only thing I had to think and worry about while watching the game…. and where my nachos would be appearing from!

Remember when going to the movies was carefree?

I long for the days of going to the movie theater, diving into an over-buttered bag of popcorn, and not worrying about if someone might sneak into the exit and open fire.  I literally don’t remember the last time I went to a movie where I wasn’t focusing on the audience more than the movie.  My poor husband has sat through one too many movies of me making him move to the back of the theater, or literally leaving mid-movie… it’s true.  Believe it or not, of this was before the mass movie theater shooting we all know too well.

I might be the only person who gets excited when they see newly erected metal detectors at the baseball stadium.  I also might be one of the few who gets giddy when event staff ask to search my purse… this means everyone else is getting their purses searched so yay!!  (I swear I’m normal, but maybe my definition of normal doesn’t match most.)  I literally thanked a TSA person once for screening my hands for residue… true.

I wish I had my kids’ view of the world.

They are so innocent and truly think most people (besides villains in cartoons and vampires) are good.  They don’t yet understand there is hate and anger, and that true fear that exists.  My first grade daughter recently told us the “lockdown” drill at school is practiced in case there ever is “a bad person” near the school that they need to stay safe from.  She literally is picturing a villain swooping down from the sky a safe distance away, and not a normal person yielding real weapons.  It’s so heartbreaking.

Someday, sadly sooner than later I’m going to have to sit down with my innocent kids and tell them what to do if they ever hear gunfire, and where to run and who to look for.  I need to be the brave adult in a time where I don’t always know how to be brace.  This all seems so backwards.

I truly believe humanity at the core is good, great even.

For every horrific event there are dozens of uplifting stories and things happening that shape real life heros.  I choose to look for the good.  I choose to be the good and not thrive on the negative.  We all need something great to look forward to and to feel safe about.

No, I won’t stop listening and trying to make change where I feel change is needed, but I also won’t make matters worse by spreading fear and hate.  I won’t hide behind the doors of my house out of fear.  I will keep living in respect for anyone who has lost their lives or knows someone who has been forever affected from horrible tragedy.  We need to stay aware and still know this world is good.

Here’s to the desire to raise my sweet kids in a world that starts realizing it’s more good than bad.