Drastic times call for drastic measures.

The husband and I are at our wits-end.  This past week, the daughter has started a new nightly routine that is unnerving to say the least.

Going to bed doesn’t seem to be the problem; the problem is staying in bed.

Yes, we’ve gone through the phase of “I need water,” “I need to go potty,” “my stuffed animal is crooked,” “I have a new freckle,” etc in the past, but that was nothing compared to this.  It was super annoying that she wouldn’t go to bed, but at least I was still awake.  Until this week, having an hour long tv show take almost 2 hours to watch, due to the stalling child, was my nightmare.  Now my dream is being able to sleep through the night again.

We have no idea what to do.

Every night we are now basically dealing with a colicky newborn.  Around 1am she awakes to pee and yells for assistance, since it turns out children can no longer walk down a hallway solo after midnight.  She then decides to lose her shit every ten minutes and runs into our room to make sure we know it… we are miserable.

It’s always right as we are about to fall back to sleep when she breaks into our room like a raging bull.  Sometimes there’s a ghost in her room, other times a mysterious cord is blowing around and it’s dangerous.  What the hell?!  Pretty sure she told us there was a green light that kept following her last night, and I might have thought that light could abduct her until morning arrived.

Every night… or more like every early morning we are awake for almost 2 hours dealing with this craziness.

We are beyond exhausted.  We need an excorsist.  Maybe Benedryl would help?  How about a shot of Bourbon (for all of is.)  What are we to do, shy of moving out into a hotel room in the middle of the nigh,t for some decent sleep?!

I only have two kids for a reason.

I need sleep, I don’t function without a solid 7 hours.  I forget the first years of both the children’s lives since I was basically a walking zombie.  I’m slowly losing my mind.  I’m no longer nice.

Turns out I am a terrible mom after midnight.  My patience has expired, and was very thin to begin with.  I threaten to take away everything I see; pretty sure I threatened to take away the bathroom last night while I was desperate to end the screaming.

Will this ever end?!  Should I look into therapy?!  All I know is this cannot last and better not rub off on the three year old.  If it happens again tonight, I might be driving to the in-law’s, ringing the doorbell and driving away while the sleep monster greets them at the door.

This momma (and dad) are spent.