Listen, I know I’ve somehow become a thirty plus something Mom who prefers sweatpants to jeans, and enjoys an early bedtime on occasion.  Is it so bad to dream about a perfect Friday night involving a beer and popcorn while sitting on my couch with the husband?  Does this age me?!  Well, it must, because today something happened (not once, but twice) that literally stopped me in my tracks.

I was “ma’am’ed.”

Yes, Ma’am.  Seriously.  No, I do not live in the South, and no it wasn’t a Southern Belle calling me this either.  It was by twenty something females. What the hell?!  I am a 35 year old mom of two, who still likes to browse in American Eagle for a good pair of jeans.  (Don’t judge!)  I get it, I’m old… but ma’am?!?

A Ma’am I am NOT!  Yes I have a rather deep wrinkle on my forehead, that seems to keep growing due to my non-listening toddler.  My “mom face” that I have to whip out in public on most trips to frighten my son into behaving has ensured this wrinkle will be a permanent fixture on my face.  Yes, my once brown hair has stripes of gray in it that I can’t seem to color quickly enough (or pluck quickly enough) these days.

Ugh, I guess I do drive an SUV that basically is the same as a minivan.  I also have seen children driving cars on the road and have wondered how they can even be 16 since they literally look like 5th graders.  (Does anyone else think teenagers look super young these days?!)

Don’t ma’am this momma.

Let me live in my fantasy world and think I’m still young and look like I could get mistaken for a college sophomore… okay maybe senior?!  Haven’t I given enough of my soul to my family that I deserve to be looked at as anything but a “ma’am”?!  The sheer sound of ma’am makes me feel like I need a walker and I need help getting the groceries to my car.  Clearly, I’m still in utter dismay.

Next time I hear that dreaded name I think I might reply back with some snarky comment or maybe the “Mom face.”

A message to society:

Unless you have a thick southern accent or your competing in a beauty pageant that I am judging, don’t call me ma’am.  I would be fine with; lady, excuse me, hi there, Miss… anything besides the “old woman” term.

Am I alone in this?  Is 35 the age of ma’am?  I have a feeling there’s way worse to come and I’m clearly NOT ready.