I’ve been holding back tears all day.  When we went to the new elementary school I choked up halfway there.  When we excitedly introduced her to her teacher, I was struggling to keep a smile on my face.  When I read a darn note on how playdoh is like a kindergartener, it took every ounce of me not to do the ugly cry right then and there.

The daughter gave me “the look” at bedtime and it just about did me in.  She just started crying, pleading with me to not make her go to kindergarten tomorrow… What’s a mom to do?!  This is the FIRST time in her entire life (in my entire “mom life” too) that I can’t tell her everything is okay and that we can fix this so she won’t be scared.

I can tell her 100 times how she has already had 3 first days of preschool and how she loved each year more than the last.  I can remind her how much she used to beg me to let her get on the school bus with our neighbors, but I get it.  I get the worry and the fear.  She is me.

Tonight I’m in tears.  I made it until she was tucked into bed, unable to see me waiver from my “happy kindergarten face.”  I lost it.  I think I needed this release.  She will be okay, I will be okay, but it’s so hard; this unknown.

Maybe my tear ducts will be emptied by the time the bus rolls up tomorrow afternoon.  This momma’s not ready… And I don’t know if I ever will be.