Me: “What’s your favorite color?”

3 year-old: “Blue, green and gold.”

Me: “What if you had to pick just one?”

3 year-old: “Take them all, stir them together and that’s it!”

6 year-old: “Where does pepperoni come from?”

Me: “Pigs.”

6 year-old: (after a LONG pause, right before she eats it) “So, pigs just poop it out?”

6 year-old: “We were born there when we were in mommy’s tummy.”

3 year-old:  “You were in her tummy too?”

6 year-old:  “Yes, it was SO gross!”

6 year-old: “Pennsylvania is where the vampires live.”

Me:  “It’s Transylvania.”

6 year-old:  “That’s what they WANT you to think.”

Me:  “You need to wear shorts from your dirty hamper today.”

6 year-old:  “Seriously?!… Best day EVER!!”

“You made me a bowl of boobs for dinner?!” – said the 6 year-old when I told her dinner was a Buddha bowl.

After hearing Bruno Mars “24K Magic” the 6 year-old tells me:  “Mom, I love you so much I’d buy you 25 carrots.”

While playing Legos with me, the 6 year old said: “…and there’s a Lego guy who brings you cocktails, there’s a cocktail bar.  It’s cooler than the White House, way cooler.”

 Me: “Guess what’s on tonight.”

6 year old: “The Bachelorette?  The Housewives? The Girl and the Goat?”

-I was referring to the Tangled Movie.

“Being a hoarder is my job.” -said the 6 year old when I told her to clean her room.

“You’re a good boy mom.” -how the 3 year old gives me compliments

“You look so different with the make-up on.” -said by the 6 year-old

“This is the trap for  mom’s right?  How about you go right down that aisle mom, I’ll wait right here.” – said by the 6 year old about the dollar section at Target.

“So I have to do this and I didn’t even sign up for it?!” – said by the 6 year old about folding the laundry.

“You make good food mom.” – said the toddler when I made him a deviled egg, peanuts, veggie chips and an apple for lunch.

6 year-old: “Mom, what animal is chicken made out of?”

Me: “Chicken.”

6 year-old:  “Wait, so I’m eating a dead chicken?!”

(Why my daughter might soon be a vegetarian.)

“Maybe there’s an app for that.  I hear all my friends talking about apps so you should just look it up on your phone.” – said the 6 year-old when I was trying to figure out how to fix a broken kid toy.

While referring to my love for Potbelly the 6 year old said, “No wonder it makes you so happy, the food IS amazing.”

5 year old to her dad when talking about his upcoming half marathon race:  “Do you think you’ll win the race?”

Dad:  “No, I don’t think I will.”

5 year old: “Well, at least you’ll beat some people, right?”

(Always looking at the bright side!)

After seeing me in high heels the 5 year old asked; “Are those dangerous?”

“You know what would drive you nuts?  If I threw bananas everywhere.” – randomly said by the 5 year old while we were driving to the store.

After seeing a pregnant lady pushing a stroller the 5 year old told me, “Clearly she’s just practicing or pushing weights for exercise because there is NO way she is going to have 2 babies at one time.”

After hearing me ask the husband what I should do if I see a coyote while on a run, the daughter promptly replied, “Make sure you take a selfie with the coyote mom.”

When asked if she can do something later, I repled: “We need to see what the day brings.”  5 yo Daughter:  “What?!  The day is going to bring us something?  Like a present?”

Me:  “Why do you have a scrape on your foot?”  5 yo Daughter:  “I don’t know.  Sometimes it’s just pizza sauce.”

After I told our 2 year-old he has 2 legs he promptly replied, “No mom, I have 3 legs.”

When told she cannot spend a few days with her Grandma out of town because of soccer practice, the daughter replied; “But I love Grandma WAY more than soccer!”  (Too sweet!)

“Mom, wouldn’t it be funny if all my teeth fell out except the top two?  You know, like beaver teeth.  I don’t want to only eat wood though.” – said the 5 year old

While eating shell shaped macaroni and cheese the 5 year old asks, “Um, were these shells houses to animals before they were macaroni?  I’m not so sure I can eat these anymore if they were.”

After teaching the daughter about pollution she asks, “How does it come out of your body once you breathe it in?  Oh, I know…. toots.”

While eating sharp cheddar cheese the 5 year old tells me, “Ugh!  It tastes like barf.  You know that smell?!  It’s like that inside my throat.”

“Um, so why does Carter (the dog) have lots of rocks all over his belly?  Are they there to protect him or something?” – in reference to seeing our boxer’s nipples.

My Daughter’s lunch request:  “I’ll have 5 boiled eggs… Seriously mom, that’s my destiny.”

“Mom, I changed my mind.  Don’t go to summer camp, go to Duncan Donuts instead.  Don’t park this car!  Turn around and drive lady!”

“I’m not going anywhere with geysers and hot lava.  I will only go to Ohio and here… Seriously.” – said the 5 year old while we were talking about taking a vacation somewhere

“Mom, you know what I’m calling chicken now?  Yickin.” – clearly the daughter has a distaste for chicken.

“Don’t worry mom, brother just ate something out of the garbage can but I’m pretty sure it was food and not actual garbage.”

“So, do babies just punch their way out of their mom’s bellies?” – Um, not ready for this line of questioning from the 5 year old.

My 5 year old daughter’s current life aspirations: “When I grow up I want to be a police officer but I’ll spend every Saturday night at Medieval Times, of course!”

After laughing to herself and staring into space for a few minutes my 5 year old tells me: “I have my own funny movie playing in my head- you should be sad you can’t see it because it’s hilarious.”

After I told the 5 year old to put away the Wii Game she replied, “Are you kidding me?! This is my destiny!”

“Dad, quick slow down- there’s a cop!… Okay dad, now speed, he’s gone.  Dad, we only speed when the cops aren’t looking right?” – clearly our 5 year old needs to stop riding alone in the car with dad.

While sitting in my husband’s Jetta the 5 year old said- “How does dad even fit in here?! His car is so small and he is much bigger than you!” (Clearly she is used to our SUV.)

“You know humans aren’t the only ones with boobs.  Cows have them too but they are called unders.” – said the five year-old while I was trying not to laugh out loud.

“I eat boogers in real life.  Like 8 a day.  They are disgusting!” – said the five year-old who clearly needs to learn more about picking healthy snacks.

“Dad, your toothbrush sounds like an alien is singing inside your mouth!” said the 5 year old.

“She was so old… 211 and 60.” said the 5 year old.

“Dad, are you in love with the Chick-Fil-A lady?  You are asking her about her day and making strange faces at her!” Said the 5 year old at the drive thru.